What’s Good, June 4 to June 10
Editor’s Note: Your bearer of Good News has decided in his magnanimity to treat Indivisivillains to a special one-week mini-installment. We will return to our usual every-other-week schedule following this. Enjoy!
Good News from The Swamp
- A trio of high-powered Republicans— House Speaker Paul Ryan, Senate Intelligence Chairman Richard Burr, and House Intelligence Committee member Trey Gowdy– agreed after reviewing the relevant classified intelligence that Trump’s manufactured “Spygate” scandal is baseless. Regarding Trump’s assertion that he can pardon himself, Ryan added that “No one is above the law.”
- Former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort, who already faces five felony charges from Special Counsel Mueller’s investigation, was indicted on an additional charge of witness tampering.
- A federal judge ruled that Trump and his personal attorney Michael Cohen cannot privately review evidence seized from Cohen’s office in April by federal agents.
Good News from the ballot box
- Democrats avoided primary catastrophe in California, whose top-two primary system could have resulted in only Republican candidates advancing to the general election in several House seats that Hillary Clinton won in 2016.
- A Native American single mother won the Democratic primary for a New Mexico congressional seat. The district is solidly blue, meaning she will likely become the nation’s first Native American congresswoman.
- A Democrat won a special election for a Missouri State Senate seat by a 20% margin, becoming the first Democrat to hold the seat in over a decade.
- The California judge who provoked nationwide outrage in 2016 by giving a Stanford student convicted of sexual assault a mere six-month sentence was removed by recall referendum.
Good News from the courts
- Trump’s Department of Health and Human Services lost yet another lawsuit (five and counting) over its attempt to prematurely terminate grants for a teen pregnancy prevention program.
- A Maine Superior Court judge ordered Governor-Troglodyte Paul LePage to implement a Medicaid expansion law that 60 percent of Maine voters approved in 2017 but that LePage has refused to enact.
Good News from far and wide
- The European Court of Justice ruled that all EU countries, including those that have not legalized gay marriage, must respect the residency and movement rights of same-sex spouses in their territory.
- A major international study overturned conventional medical wisdom by finding that many women with early-stage breast cancer can safely skip expensive, toxic chemotherapy regimes.
And lastly, a few chaser shots of 150-proof Neener Neener to make the Good News go down smoother
- We’re gonna win so much you’ll get tired of winning: The NFL champion Philadelphia Eagles joined the NBA’s Golden State Warriors in the Circle of Champions Who Do Not Visit the Trump White House. Once the White House realized that fewer than ten players would attend a scheduled Eagles team visit, it canceled the event and, to save face, held a shoddily produced “Celebration of America” instead, with attendance padded by White House staffers who were instructed to attend.
- Highlights of the 7-minute event included Trump failing to remember the lyrics to “God Bless America” and a protester in the audience kneeling during “The Star Spangled Banner”.
- The good news for Trump is that at least he got valuable practice for his next champion-snub: NBA superstars LeBron James and Stephen Curry, whose Cleveland Cavaliers and Golden State Warriors faced off in the just-concluded NBA Finals, agreed that “no matter who wins this series, no one wants the invite” to the White House. Washington Capitals forward Devante Smith-Pelly, whose team just won the NHL Stanley Cup, also plans to skip any White House visit. “The things that [Trump] spews are straight-up racist and sexist.”
- Swamp-on-Swamp violence: the gazillionaire conservative puppetmaster Koch Brothers unveiled a multiyear, multimillion-dollar campaign opposing Trump’s tariffs.
- The Scott Pruitt dumpster fire burns ever brighter: Emails released under a FOIA request by the Sierra Club revealed that Pruitt deputized one of his staffers to attempt to acquire a Chick-Fil-A fast food franchise for Pruitt’s wife AND THEN news broke that Pruitt had instructed an aide “to discuss the possibility of purchasing an old mattress” from the Trump International Hotel (don’t ask) AND THEN Republican Senator Joni Ernst (R-IA) accused Pruitt of lying and abusing his office, saying that “if the president wants to drain the swamp, he needs to take a look at his own Cabinet” AND THEN Pruitt’s senior counselor and scheduling director both resigned AND THEN Pruitt was chastised for abusing his privileges at an exclusive White House dining room AND THEN it was reported that Pruitt has used his security staff to pick up his dry cleaning and help him search for his favorite moisturizing lotion.
- US Ambassador Nikki Haley proposed a UN resolution on Gaza that received only a single vote— her own.
- As the Palestinian ambassador notes at 1:25, “If that is not the epic [sic] of complete failure, I want you to tell me what is failure in the Security Council.”
- A Kentucky high-school valedictorian “quoted” Trump in his graduation speech, to the audience’s delight– and then silenced the crowd when he revealed that the quote was actually by Obama.
- Enjoy this interview of a former Fox News commentator tearing into the integrity of his former employer and the credulousness of their Trumpkin audience. “I suspect Sean Hannity really believes [Trump’s conspiracy theories]. The others [at Fox] are smarter. They know what they’re doing. It’s bewildering to me.”
- And lastly, enjoy this video of Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway referring to Trump as “the commander of cheese.”